So very long ago when I was a boy, I had a sense of fear. The surrounding world was large and unfit for a continuing old soul like mine. I had much happiness and joys, lots of knowledge taught as well as given to me and plenty of laughter as now at this age I see the laugh lines start to set in upon my face. I was young still full of fear, for around every corner there lurked a darkness. One that no matter how quickly I ran the shadows could never seem to pin point its truest location. No enchanted flame nor black mirror could reveal what the journey ahead held for me. I cloaked myself in the darkness. I wore it proud under my eyes at the tips of my fingers like a robe blending in with the night. Within that action I learned that I could instill fear in the hearts and minds of others and I didn’t seem so weakened by my own fears I reveled for a time . As the judgemental closed minds of others kept their looks away.
With an accepting maternal hand upon each of my dark wings, raising me even higher, I learned courage and the ability to stand against anyone who thought differently then I did. Her words were ancient wisdom and could draw down the moon and withhold the sun if she so wished . I learned i could summon the power, from within my self to do anything be anyone. I redeemed myself in that time and yet still could not shake the ever changing fears in the depths of the darkest holds of my mind. Fear that set in like rot on spoiled fruit spreading to every delicate morsel, poisoning the tree in its entirety.
Years past some fears went away and one shook the very foundations of everything that I had come to know and be. Death , the ultimate fear, had graced me with her destructive presence. She stole what at the time was most important to me. Fear then turned to anger and as the seasons came two full circles anger became frozen . Although time is ever continuing it still passed and the world still spun. Memories fluttered away like grains of sand on windswept horizons. Much changed in me I no longer wore a cloak of darkness for it had seeped within me and set up anchor on the shores of my soul. I wore a gray cloak through this period of my life.
Stained with the ashes from the fires smoldering in the past . A person could look at me and believe what I wanted them to , that I was fine, perfect , that a heart still beat within me. It was easy to twist the minds of others so as to hide my own fear , that I was destructing from the inside out . A sickness had taken control of my organs, rotting, infesting, gradually getting worse over time. For I had become worlds apart from all that blood could bind. I sought to change this.
The fear of falling short and becoming something darker, a empty vessel, a outcast, a failure had crept in, but I would not let that fear overpower me . I kept an eye on the horizons saw my chance and stepped up to the gates that lead to the next journey. And here I sit having defeated each fear that has presented itself upon my cloaked journey. Proud, magnificent, head held high above the flames that flicker throughout my dark world. I know the journey is just beginning as there is so much left to do yet very little time …..but
I do not fear the unknown or the opinions of others. I do not fear the choices that all must make, for its theirs to make. I do not fear the journey ahead or the road less traveled as there is always a teacher on it, one ahead of you to guide the way. I do not fear the powers of old or the ancient wisdom handed down from generation to generation as I have been taught much of those ways.
I do not fear what others shall feel when I take my journey to the land of the dead, for they were granted time and choice, just as I.
I do not fear the touch of deaths embrace as I know she is greedy for the time of those who love others, I know her feelings for I have lived them. I continue to search for another soul as fearless as mine.